Been mulling over how to post this without breaching guidelines, but do want to talk about it... carefully here I go.
You know how when there's an awkward topic you need to broach with one of your kids, child or adult, sometimes the best way is to wait until it comes up in general conversation. I've been wanting to talk with Older Daughter about the serious "collateral damage" that could be caused by some of her SI ideas, which were of a sort that would inevitably leave other people with no personal connection with her significantly traumatised. Got an opening for doing so the other day. Turns out that it's a plan she'd largely abandoned anyway, and hopefully our talk leaves it firmly abandoned. Told her that we don't want her going by any means, but particularly not in a way that takes others down too, in any form.
And now I'm feeling down over the fact that this conversation even had to happen. It's so far outside the usual "mother-daughter talk" range of topics that it twists the mind a bit. Sometimes I feel really left out when I see friends enjoying (actually really enjoying) outings with their adult family. With my Mum's ups and downs, adult mother-daughter fun days out with her really weren't a thing. They happened, but the focus was more on making sure she enjoyed it so that her mood would be in a better place, to everyone's benefit. Aaannnd history repeats with myself and Older Daughter. Hubby and I do get some fun times out with the other "kids", but it's sad that time out with her is depressing and worrying instead of being "time out". It's made harder by the way that the general assumption when you say "I had lunch out with Mum/my daughter yesterday" runs along the lines of "Oh, that's lovely. 🙂 ". 😞 Not.
