Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Determined]

I was sitting down with S2 tonight looking at some YouTube songs with him.

His favourite- Believer by Imagine Dragons 

First couple of verses below. It does get better (sort of) but wow. Think I need to spend some time listening to more positive things with him.  Darling showed him this and also likes this group. Wow. 

First things first
I'ma say all the words inside my head
I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh ooh
The way that things have been, oh ooh
Second thing second
Don't you tell me what you think that I can be
I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea, oh ooh
The master of my sea, oh ooh

I was broken from a young age
Taking my sulking to the masses
Write down my poems for the few
That looked at me, took to me, shook to me, feeling me
Singing from heartache from the pain
Taking my message from the veins
Speaking my lesson from the brain
Seeing the beauty through the

You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
(Pain, pain)
You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer
(Pain)
Oh let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from
(Pain)
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

[Former-Member]

Hey @Determined  was wondering if any decisions had been made re: Uni

No matter what happens Bro, you can hold your head up high, being an "in home care provider" that provides services such as taking your "client" to appointments, helping with domestic duties such as cooking, cleaning and gardening is not for the faint hearted. Makes no difference that your darling is the only recipient of that care.

[Smc]

@Determined, we lost track of pop music all through the '90s when our kids were little. I was expecting we'd get a re-introduction as ours reached teenage years, but our older two had no interest in it, and the next oldest only a marginal interest. Our youngest is the one providing the re-introduction... so that's another decade later than I thought it would be. 😛

 A lot of her listening is "earphones in". The bits we hear are a mixture; some are pretty good. I've belatedly discovered Coldplay's music, and rather like it. The ones I've heard are love songs with a U2-ish sound, and watching their vids, they seem to have a good sense of fun too.

[Determined]

@Former-Member  I have a meeting on Thursday to discuss some of my options.

The usual channels have been slow and unresponsive so member of management at the local campus is going to take it direct to head of school. A fellow class mate made a lot of noise on my behalf at a recent student forum about lack of response to my concerns and questions so I have their attention. 

At this time I am leaning towards deferring until the start of next year and make a decision re dropping out then. I am hoping I can simply swap programs and finish with a lesser degree (Associate v Bachelor) based on units already completed. If I cant swap programs I dont know what I will do. I want to wait the 6 months to recoup and reflect before I make a final decision as I try and not make big decisions (like dropping out of uni) when I am emotionally challenged as  I am now.

My biggest fear is that I need something structured to commit to (the reason I started uni in the first place) to keep me from sinking.  The reality is though that I feel as thougn I am heading towards another burnout and cannot continue the way I am. 

That turned out to be a bit long winded but there is no easy answer and explaining things helps me to feel more at ease with the direction I am heading. I kind of feel a mix of relief and depressd at the same time about change. Uni filled a vacume when I left a job of almost 15  years, then I have been at uni for the past 5+  years, I just dont know what else to do with myself 😞    

*updated. For some reason first attempt left out the numbers. (15 years / 5 years) 

[Determined]

LoL @Smc  I was indoctrinated with C&W when I was growing up, we were not allowed anything else in the house. The most un-country was probably Foster and Allen. Not that I minded, it was all I knew and I actually enjoyed it.

When I listen to the music that goes with what S2 likes to listen to it is probably not bad, it is the words that concern me. Dark and depressing in my opinion, and he is able to pretty much recite it verbatim, clearly it resonates whit how he is feeling.

[Smc]

Snap @Determined! My Mum loved Country and Western. 😄 I think she had every Slim Dusty record, with the possible exception of some of the trucker ones. She grew up on a farm, and I think a lot of it brought back memories. We had other stuff around too, though. I loved the Seekers records we had, there also were some movie themed records. Dad was a bit more Classical minded, so we had some of that in the mix too, and Ieant that way too, what with learning classical violin and playing in orchestras. I was a bit of a latecomer to the pop charts, but really dove into it when I did. Typical "popstar poster" bedroom wallpaper.

[Smc]

I get what you mean about the words. There was one song I heard on the radio and liked, but when I tracked it down, the words were brutally depressing. Tune was beautifully haunting. Oh well.

[Smc]

Re. studies- maybe don't overlook the possibility of short courses? There have been studies that have found even unrelated studies will improve people's work performance, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was otherwise beneficial too. I did a one day a week sustainable gardening/design type course a couple of years ago, learned some useful stuff, and got some structured me-time out of it too.

[Determined]

I have contemplated some online photography courses @Smc. and one of my self care goals at the start of the year was to join the local photography club. They have a monthly 'assignment' and competition. That could fill my need for a structured activity with measurable results 🤔

[Determined]

*Probably sholud clarify my last post that I have not made it out to the camera club yet. The antisocial side of me does not like meeting new people. Puts me out of my comfort zone. I did enjoy getting out the other night with the camera so that has given me some encouragement ☺

S2 has requested a camera for his birthday so something we can do together.