Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Shaz51]

Crazy here my friend @Determined 

We had the flu all last week -- tested negative for  covid19 

No work for the week 

And then lost 2 regular weekly jobs 

Mum had a hip replacement surgery at 91 is recovering in hospital 60kms away 

Sending you lots of hugs and sitting with you this coming week 

@Jynx 

[Determined]

Thinking of you @Shaz51 

Trust your mum recovers as.quickly as possible. 

[tired_sisyphus]

hey @Determined I haven't read through all 220 pages but just wanna say good on you holding the family together.

Same boat here. Up and down the last few weeks, not helped by me being floored by something nasty (every symptom BUT a positive test)

Will check in again and hope to hear from you.

[Determined]

Have been trying to work out in my mind what it is that concerns me most about darling atm.

We had an almost crisis a couple of weeks where I was concerned for her safety but we are past that. 

Despite we are passed that I am still silently bracing myself, on one big thing causing concern, just lots of little things.

Memories of feelings prior to a major MH crisis.

It clicked this morning while we were out riding.

The narrow focus if icd is getting more intense. 

Central to that is obsession around weight and wanting to ride her bike further and faster .

Little things around the house (little things that make a big difference) that she does well and usually  takes pride in are out the window and being left to accumulate. 

So what is there to do but support and encourage.

[tyme]

I hear you @Determined . You have been so patient. 

I hear what it is like from a borderline's point of view. Emotionally, they feel so out-of-control that they do whatever they can to regain some sense of control in the environment e.g. weight, immaculate window etc.

Hope this makes sense. I've been down that path. The less control they feel they have, the more they reach out to control their environment.

Look after yourself,

tyme

[Determined]

Thanks @tyme  so accurate.

I would hate to live inside a Borderline head, it is hard enough supporting 🥺

[tired_sisyphus]

Interesting you say this, Mrs has been spending the last 2 days wondering why she has to control everything.

She arrived at the conclusion that there's a double-whammy:

1. She finds it takes less to throw things out of control; and

2. It takes more effort for her to regain control.

End result is: she has more opportunity to feel out of control; and it takes longer to get it back. A bit like heightened sensitivity for emotional dysregulation, I guess.

I do value her insights. Gotta find a positive somewhere.

[Determined]

I was interested when you said in one of the other threads @tired_sisyphus  that you were able to discuss things with your wife after an event and unpack emotions etc. 

We can't do that here,. It would just lead.to another even bigger meltdown event.

So we just carry on and pretend nothing happened.  I have so much baggage around this that I struggle to let go of 🥺

Some things need closure, sadly that is not possible. 

Occasionally there is some insight and darling can tell me hoe she is feeling and we can work with that, but never during or after a melt down. Or even leading into an event once a threshold has been reached. 

[Determined]

At the moment while we are all civil and getting along it is an uneasy truce. All on darlings terms. I tried discussing something last night that is important to me and it did not go at all well so 💔

[tyme]

The right time, the right place, the right season is crucial @Determined - but when? is the question....