@Former-Member I have been giving what you have said some more thought in the context of what I can do to accomodate some of these things.
I have said this many times before but these thoughts reflect on the BPD not my darling.
I think more than point out percieved flaws in my darling (I try to avoid this as it only ends bad for everyone) I more try and have a discussion around what she sees as percieved flaws in me. The result is the same, it is taken as a personal attack. Unfortunately fear of abandment often results in behaviour that could result in abandonment. (Kind of if you are going to leave I will give you a reason to) this is one thing I find hard to process, for me, if I think I have upset someone I try and make up for it not make it worse.
While the 'whatever' approach worked out well on the weekend that can often be a calculated risk also and can just as easily result in a crisis. One problem of BPD (for us) is that the goal posts are never fixed and I always have to be on guard and ready to react. Thats where the boundaries come in. If I react in the same way consistently then in theory things are more stable and predictable (and safe) for my darling. Thats the hard part for me, I have an emotional personality and taking a 'hard line' seems mean. If I didn't care it may possibly be easier but if I didn't are I probably would not still be here.
Darling mentioned again this morning how she enjoyed our time out on the weekend and is looking forward to a day trip and bike ride I suggested. (Beach side location about 2 hour drive from home)
