Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

How do you cope when you read a post that is triggering?

I was reading a couple of posts on here lately and was wondering how do others cope.  I tend to get upset and really sad for the people I read about.  It really breaks my heart when I read something horrible.

It takes me a little while to calm down or not worry or think about the issues.

If others can give me some advice on how you cope when triggererd it would help me.

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay I think you are a bit like me in that you see the warning and know that there is a real potential for yourself to be triggered but you read anyway. That is always my first mistake. Often I will read something - respond quickly and come back to it later to give a more thoughtful response - as I see that it deserves that time and effort being put into it - this is at a time when I am the most calm and can separate my emotions from that in the post. I think this is the real key - avoid what you can until you are in a place to deal with it. 

I have also started to walk away and do something for myself that does not involve any reminders or let my thoughts wander - I know this is easier said than done - and sometimes it 'is what it is' and I just have to ride through the emotions. Also reaching out to others for support is important for me - if I am triggered and need to have that connection to get through it then I am getting much better at asking for it.

I don't know if any of that will actually help you but I think feeling for other people as deeply as you do also shows how wonderful YOU are and how much empathy you have.

[Former-Member]

I have been trying to catch myself and stop.. though sometimes its hard. And it feels like .... letting someone down to not read it. But I know the consequences arent great for me if i continue. Its when it comes out of the blue that affects me more. We really do need to be careful for ourselves.. and careful of what we write too I think. My strategies after being triggered are to ground myself when i can, breathing, putting on music, doing something different. but often things will plague me for days, but I have numerous triggers so its certainly not just things I read here! Hugs @BlueBay glad you brought this up, i think its an important conversation to have about looking after ourselves while using the forums. And how we can keep the forums feeling safe.
lj

[NikNik]

Such an important thread topic @BlueBay
Thank you for starting it.

[BlueBay]

@Zoe7i try to not read the posts but i can't help it.  i guess i want to read what others hav e gone through and see if i can reply with a message.

@NikNiki wrote to admin today because i wasn't sure how to stop myself from being triggered and asked for advice. I received an email back from a mod and he suggested I put something up on the forum to see what others suggest.  Great idea!!

I guess i am not sure whqat to expect when i read something.  My trouble is that i take in things very easily and personally.  I struggle to not take things personally, i don't know how. if anyone does pls let me know how. 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I think it is very tricky and I'm afraid I don't have a good answer. I have had a few spectacular meltdowns in the past few weeks from being triggered on the forums - to the extent that one moderator suggested to me that the forum might not be a good fit for me right now. But given that the only other supports I have on the planet are my psychologist and my GP, I'm sticking around for now. I have however become more wary about what I share so that I avoid getting triggered by well-intentioned but unhelpful responses. And I often avoid responding to posts started by others, if they have triggered giant feelings. I know I can always come back to the post later after my big feelings have settled.

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay I do try to stay away from any posts that may be triggering - and there are some threads that I avoid completely.

I tend to stick to a select few as I know that there is support around when needed.

I always read your posts - even when I know that there could be something in there that is potentially triggering - but I do this because I know YOU and me caring for you over-rides whatever is in your posts. I think the point I am trying to make - not very successfully - is that if I feel I have a real connection with someone then what they write doesn't matter as much to me as how I can support them - I hope that makes sense.

[Former-Member]

It makes sense to me @Zoe7, its the rapport / understanding and knowing them well enough to know what's YOUR stuff and what's THEIR'S.

Hi @BlueBay, thanks for starting this thread. The forums have become a staple for me so making sure it doesnt go bad is important - we're all so vulnerable here. Like @Former-Member, I feel bad when I can't proceed with a post, and relieved when the moderaters or more seadoned contributers help out. I still get frightened about saying the wrong thing too - or not enough. Don't even read some posts if that gut wrench starts up. Sometimes just with the title - its a survival thing.

I have to be very SELF AWARE, not only of what's too close to the bone, but also how I'm travelling in a single day (am I strong enough?). I think maybe the Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) + mindfulness meditation (body scan my fav), this last year has helped my self awareness -  face my feelings - not avoid them...  but mostly to be in touch with them, as an observer, so I don't get bowled over unexpectedly with triggers. My psychologist is always asking me "what does that FEEL like? where do you feel it in your body?" Its grounding. But it has to be practised so it becomes automatic.

Of cause some posts bring back a rush of invasive memories, feelings, smells, heart rate, visuals - the works, I have to stop and walk away. Make a cuppa, 'mindfully' - calm myself. Figure I'm not much use, thinking properly or objectively anyway if I'm caught up in a post traumatic reaction.

Some people just leave hugs and kisses, flowers and hearts, and that still helps me - to know someone cares and I have been heard and not so alone. Even a 'like' is a form of acknowledgement I appreciate when vulnerable, so I do that.

Its important to let the forums work FOR us too, not add to life's difficulties, and only we can know in a single day if we're up to it.

Hope you're OK otherwise. Stay strong xox

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I totally get it - and I totally understand. Like you - just a heart or a smile or a like etc. is enough to know people are around and showing their support. That particular post of mine you referred to was definitely one that was more 'for me' and knowing that others 'hear you' is enough. I have done exactly tthe same with sone of your posts @Former-Member - I want to show I am thinking of you and care - and so will give you a 'shout out' every now and then but for my own self-care I have avoided posts of your posts (and many others) over the last month or so - especially when I have been in such a dark place. Then any triggers are kept to a minimum - and I also have protected myself from feeling that I should respond and support others but knowing I wasn't in the right place to do so.

...and you are completely spot on with the rapport/understanding we have with certain threads or members - and knowing them well enough to know what is YOUR stuff and what is their's.

I also believe that each of us have a few members that know us better than anyone else and do really pick up on how we are doing or will 'alert' us to a post that may be triggering for us and to maybe avoid - I know I personally have taken that advice on board on more than one occasion and when I have been in a better place, read the post, and then understood how damaging it could have been to my emotional wellbeing if I had read it beforehand. That - is also - the power of the community and knowing each other well enough to protect as well as support.

[Former-Member]

hi @BlueBay

if i start to read something triggering i try to just leave it for now, just give it a like or a heart or something as @Zoe7 has said. this  is a good way to show your supported even though its something very simple. it means people are reading your post and have taken the time to read it . some people dont know how to respond to a thread esp if its triggering for them.

just remember that what your feeling is empathy when you read others posts so it is hard to cope with these feelings, myself included. i cant say that it easy to control it cause it isnt and i dont like making promises that are true or that i cant keep. and also that people are writing these stories as they feel like they need to share them, feel comfortable enough to share their stories or are also looking for support just as yourself  🙂

what i can say though is there is ways to cope. somethings that work me me might not work for others and vise versa so ill just give you a few ideas that ive come across 🙂

1. deep breathing- try the 3-3-3 method- 3 seconds in, 3 seconds hold, 3 seconds releasing it. maybe try it for about 3-5 minutes. just focus on your breathing, notice how it feels, nothice the sensations of the body.

2. meditation- so similar to above- but alow your thoughts to just go through your head and recognise that these are just thoughts and nothing more

3. journalling- write about what your feeling, and the sensations and where they are in your body

4. art- drawing, painting or just 'doodling' what your feeling, or colouring in some adult colouring books.

5. reading a book

6. go for a drive and turn on your favourite music and just enjoy yourself. i often find music as an escape. sometimes ill pick a song and just think about the words and what the storyline is to the song.