Sister's partner

[ClockFace]

My sister has met someone recently while in a mental health facility. She checks out soon but is wanting them to be allowed to come and stay at home (parents place, we both live with them) on weekends. We dont know him. Ive met him once, for all of 10min. I dont do well with people being at our place, Im not comfortable with social things, especially with people I dont know. I told Mum Im not in favor of it and she was more or less on my sisters side, I expect my sister will get her way, she generally does. Its fair though right? I mean once we have all gotten to know him, he has visited, spent time with us. Then maybe occassionally on weekends, not every weekend. And my feelings should matter, I should feel comfortable at home, not like I dunno my space has been invaded.

My birthday is coming up and Ive said that I dont want him here. I just want a normal meal, I dont want to be worried about him, what he is thinking about me and all that shit. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @ClockFace thank you for sharing your thoughts with the Forums community!

It sounds like a lot to be dealing with when new people come into our lives through family. I think your points are valid and it's important for everyone in your family to feel comfortable with who's at your house. Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel and share your thoughts with them? 

For your birthday you could request that it's just the family and no visitors as that's the way you want to celebrate your day maybe.

Take care

RiverSeal 

[BossBaby]

I had the TV on while I was reading your post and the newsreader said "same chance at healing" and it prompted me to consider that while your sister is returning from a mental health facility you also need the same chance to heal in a stable, supportive environment which for you at the moment is your home environment, a place free of unknowns while you're feeling so uncomfortable/self-conscious around strangers/visitors. I was in an unsafe family situation that was too close for comfort and was talking to my choice theory counsellor and he got me to the point where I had to acknowledge that while there was so much I couldn't control and seemed unfair, I could choose to move, even at the expense of my daughter losing neighbourhood friends and during a rental crisis. Some of this situation might be out of your control but what are some choices that you are in control of? How to express and pursue the same chance at healing?

[ClockFace]

@BossBaby 

I moved back home when I got sick because I needed help but Im trying to get onto NDIS now that we have some diagnosises and some treatments that are actually working. Once Im on NDIS I will be working with them towards trying to move out again. 

Home is as safe as it gets but its not exactly a safe environment. There is an amazing amount of tension, arguments, etc. Mum is very controlling as is Dad, Mum is very direct while Dad is more passive. My sisterer is the golden child and Mum lets her do what ever she wants, take what ever she wants. Its far from ideal, so me getting out of here is important.

[Asgard]

Hi @ClockFace 

As a neutral observer I do think that what your sister is requesting is unreasonble, given that she has only briefly met him and the family doesn't know him.  Home should be a secure and safe place for all of you, so as @RiverSeal said, speak with your parents and sister regards how you are feeling.

Hope it works out for you