Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[NikNik]

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!

A big THANK YOU to @Former-Member & @Appleblossom for your responses to last week's question. This week's question below is something I think a fair few carers can relate to - what can you do when you live far away from the person you care for?

Most of us don't live as far away as France - but I think we can relate to that feeling of helplessness when someone we care for is in trouble and we're not close by to help.

It reminds me of stories like @Harriet, who a long time ago jumped onto the Forums to find out how she could help a sister who lived interstate. @PeppiPatty , I know you can relate to this too, living so far away from your sons. Do either of you have advice for this new member?

Of course - all other members are welcome to respond too.

Hello,

I have a brother who is bipolar.  He lives in WA and I live in France.  He has been hospitalised twice due to psychotic episodes, both times he was in a secure hospital and was not allowed to leave for between 6 weeks and two months.  This happened in 2009 and in 2011.

I am writing because I have been contacted by his current girlfriend who has been concerned about his behaviour for a couple of months.  He has not been sleeping well, he has been living at the warehouse where he has his own business.  He has  been working 24hr/7 days a week without a break.  
Today apparently he is smoking very strong synthetic mariajuana and is completely stoned and has admitted that he is "going off the rails".  

I am lost.  This is not the first time that this has happened.  I do not know how to help him or how to support him.  How can I help him to find local support for his condition so that he can manage his condition in the long run?  How can I help him right now as his condition is spiralling out of control.  I don't know his GP, I don't know what meds he takes.  I know he is frightened to go to hospital for help in case he is locked up again.  

I have a job and a family and three young children so it is hard to drop everything and jump on a plane to go and see him.

I would appreciate any advice or guidance.  

Thank you

[Mevisage]

Hi,

Thanks for the advice,

Boys are 11 and 14 and do help a little, but could do more.

Will talk to doctor on next visit about hubbies anxiety levels also.

[Mevisage]

Hi,

This is a hard one. You must be beside yourself with worry. It is a good thing though that the girlfriend has confided in you about the situation. I would be communicating regularly through her to keep you posted. She sounds like she cares a lot about him. Could you seek further advice from doctors here to pass on to her to help him? I think she will be your best option for supporting your son. Are you also able to talk to him directly about this yourself. I think he will need lots of love and encouragement right now and to know he has people around him to support him through this is a valuable first step.

I really hope it improves for all of you.

[Mevisage]

Sorry, it is your brother not son.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @NikNik

How are you?

Could you relay to the lady re: her brother that the advice given is mine, i am not a profecional but my lived experience,' of succsssfully being the person that my son listens to.  He lives other side of the country  than me. 

my son is 25 yrs old and has had 3 major psychotic episodes ...one a year. 

Did she know that just being a good influence is enough.  , there is not enough published that distanced care is very effective. 

That saying to the girlfriend that you, his sister, are here, the phone is open for her to call can give the girlfriend a lot of confidence but also........giving her times to call will also be beneficial for the situation. For example:  say you cant call after 8pm.....

Because you see, something the sister needs to manage is how to manage  fhe situation in a positive way. And she can give positive  support to the girlfriend......

And that support is to tell her, the girl friend : she must stay safe. If moving out will keep her safe, that is what she must to. 

The sister needs to tell her that her brother is using unsafe tatics .......the only rescue for him is if he decides to search for help and until then, this is what she needs to do.

There is no need for anyone to put a mortgage on the home with a big drama queen rescue package but  just to relay positive structured advise on staying safe.

For instance. Is she able to access support for only her: the girlfriend. in  this situation? for instance, does your brother's girlfriend have a Mum?  

Also, to have MEHRL s number on hand. This is the number of Perth Psychiatric call out line. 

does the hospitals have the families phone numbers in france when he does go to hospital? 

I dont know if she should call her brother? Does anyone else. 

Because she needs to remember the stronger she and her brothers girlfriend  is, the better her brother will be. 

[Former-Member]

Hi,

I would say the first step is if you have not already done so is to contact your brother. If he is happy to discuss his issues with you then you might be able to help. You cannot just assume that his girlfriend in right about how he is coping. He may be living at his workplace and he may be telling her that he is working 24 hours a day 7 days a week but that might be him avoiding her. 

Unless you know his girlfriend really well I would not think of doing anything just based on her reporting. 

cheers,

Carer101

[PeppiPatty]

MEHRL 's  number is 1300555788

This is the Perth Mental Health Emergency  Response Line.

I edited my response and added this information

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @NikNik

I just want to tell you that the question about the sister comcerned about her brothers remind me of so many past dramas from both my own son and husband..

I remember those times, calling MEHRL and feeling completely helpless at the time. Oh.....I smile, the only thing that got me through was having the support i had. 

Also, i feel weird being this honest .......but you gotta be.....but two amazing amazing people gave me flight tickets so i could go over to see my son during two of his psychotic episodes. 

[Longdistance]

Thank you for the replies. Since he original post, I spoke to him and he took stuff on board, he agreed to go to some counseling with his girlfriend, to stop smiling and to get some help with his business. So I was relieved. The. Just a few days later the girlfriend contacted me again to say he had got too anxious about seeing someone, so he went back to smoking and has cut himself off.

He doesn't answer his phone but I know he reads my messages that I send him. I send him supportiveness ages to tell him he is not alone but he is scared to get help. He gets his meds from and internet doctor so here is no GP I speak to.

[PeppiPatty]

hello,

How are you? Its fantastic that he trusts you enough to read your texts. 

 How are you coping with it all?

What do you think is the best thing for you to do?