Lived Experience Forum

[Leigh55]

Im new here.

I have recently gotten out of a 3 year relationship. She was the only person who made me feel alive and i wanted to spend my life with her. She said she didn't love me anymore and we both moved out of our apartment and back to our parents place. I have started taking anti depressants and I have never felt so low before. Ive never felt such heartbreak and have thought about suicide a lot.

I have been suppressing a lot of traumatic events that happened before I met her. I lost one of my friends to cancer, I was raped and I would tell myself a lot of homophobic comments and created a lot of self-hate and I have been bullied at work and had a lot of toxic friendships.

I have a trip to Europe coming up to get my mind away from a lot of negative thoughts. I don’t have any coping skills. Depending on how my mental state is going, after my trip i might put myself in some rehab place to protect myself. 

My partner had taught me so many valuable life lessons and we made a plan together for our futures. Before her I didn't have a life plan and now that she doesn’t love me I don't want a future with that feeling of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. 

[tyme]

Hi @Leigh55 ,

That sounds so difficult. Any breakup is difficult, so it is understandable you are feeling so low.

Have you ever contacted Griefline? They may be able to share with you the process/stages of grief. Loss is loss, whether is a mate, a colleague, a family member or partner.

Griefline 1300 845 745 https://griefline.org.au/

There must be some inkling of hope that has enabled you to reach out here this evening. Well done for doing so. I hope you feel a sense of belonging and connection.

You are not alone.

Kindest, tyme

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Leigh55 

I'm so sorry to read this. It sounds like this person meant the world to you. Heartbreak hurts a whole lot. You are not alone in that.

You've mentioned a lot here and I wanted to check in to see what other supports you have? It sounds like you have quite a bit to work through, outside of the break up and I hope you have a supportive trauma psychologist. If you don't at the moment, Blueknot may be able to offer you some support for the trauma you have described. 

Are you safe right now? I would encourage you to put together a safety plan. If thoughts of suicide increase for you I would encourage you to contact crisis support.

Please take care 💝