Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Boo13]

It is nearly the end of the year and I am taking some time out to reflect on the journey with our 16 year old son.

Twelve months ago, we knew he had anxiety and depression.  We knew he had suffered bullying in his early years at high school.  We thought he was doing well.  How wrong we were.

Three suicide attempts and 6 periods of hospitalisation in different mental health facilities, a concoction of medication and the full swing of emotions psychosis and an arrest, we have made it, but what does that mean?

We have made it because he is still alive, he is getting help and has been awarded his year 10 certificate.  An awesome effort.

our son was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  I have done so much research to understand the symptoms, prognosis and other support mechanisms available.  I have watched him isolate himself.  He says he has friends, but why don't I know them?  He doesn't see them.  I worry about him being isolated and lonely.  He wants a part time job again having quit his old job.  This is positive, but he is very down because he keeps getting rejected.

i wish I could do more to protect him and make his life better, but I can't.

does anyone have any tips for helping him find work or connection more to others?  It breaks my heart.

[greenpea]

@Boo13 Hi Boo13 I have been in a similar situation to yourself. Has your son got a good psychiatrist? That is highly important that he does and sees him/her regularly. Next the right medication is also highly important. It will take some twigging as your son is only 16 but it is vital that he stays away from self medicating with drugs and stays on his medications.

We were told 16 to 21 would be the worst and the psychiatrist was right it was a nightmare ... sorry but it was. We have now seen the light at the end of the tunnel. My son is much more settled now. His medication is at the correct dosage. He still sees his psychiatrist and everything is going well for him.

Don't despair this is the right forum to be on. You will find lots of friendly people on here in similar situations as yourself. I would be more than happy to talk to you further. greenpea

[patientpatient]

Hi @Boo13, I'm also in a similar situation though my son is older (late 20's). Depending on how the illness is affecting his perception, being isolated may be a "safe place". My son is very wary when out and seems to misinterpret ordinary situations. A good psychiatrist and psychologist are important. My son sees a psychologist regularly under a mental health care plan (MHCP). It took a while to find someone suitable but the psychologist's help has been very important for us. You may not want to, but one day you might have to consider DSP as an option for your son. You then have access to disability employment services (DES) agencies... in our case it's a compulsory activity to keep DSP.  Work is not always the best option at times and a stressful workplace can cause relapse. I understand what you're saying about "breaks my heart".

[Former-Member]

Hi @Boo13

The experience I had with my daughter whom was diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD -  the nightmare years, the most difficult time was from the age of 15 to 21. Similarly to @greenpea's son. This change for the better happened recently (she turns 22 next April). We did have to make some tough choices to bring about her change for the better - some tough love was needed and she is now living out of home, but we are now closer with her respecting us. My daughter also suffered bullying at school, (much more serious than people are aware of, it really should be a criminal offence when extreme) -; and with her being too trusting, out of our care she was sexually assaulted and taken advantage of. She then also self medicated with weed and for awhile much stronger drugs and had three suicide attempts in that time and was scheduled - the latest attempt being near fatal.

With my own personal experience with my daughter and my own mental health issues, working and keeping busy with purpose is vital for improvement to mental health and self esteem/confidence/maturity. There may be some limitations to the hours and type of work depending on the severity of the mental illness but this was definitely good for her, and from what I have witnessed and experienced, good for mental health in general.

We encouraged our daughter to work - everything she wanted she had to work for. That motivated her initially. Now she could not stand the thought of not working. Some of those initial jobs did not succeed because of her issues and attitude to authority but she kept applying for other jobs  - but now she has improved in herself and now holds down two quite stressful jobs for about a year now, not without its hiccups, but she is much happier when working. She does not then have time to dwell and feed her depression and anxieties, delusions, self doubt etc. Within 2 weeks of a near fatal suicide attempt one year ago she was back working for 10 hours to begin with in the workforce. All she could manage then until she got better but kept her foot in the door and gave her a sense of purpose. 

If it were me I would encourage your son to "not give up" job seeking and career goals - and you would help protect his self confidence, determination, morale and self esteem by keep assuring that he will eventually land a job. Keep telling him that "he will succeed" if he keeps trying. A positive attitude and perseverance goes a long way to developing resilience in life - and this way you are helping him to be self reliant and to survive - you can protect him in this way. The worst thing I found I could do was "to do everything for her", "give her money without her earning it" and worrying over her too much. They have to get out into the world to learn on their own two feet - hard for a parent to watch, but with love and being for them when they fall we have to believe that it will work out for the best.

Helping to instil this confidence in him and encourage his drive will help him to not give into his depression as much. That's what I have witnessed under extremely adverse circumstances;, it really was against the odds - our daughter had her bad days but she got back up and as a result improvement has been made. This way you can help him by helping him to believe in himself and not let his mental illness define him or his dreams.

Mental illness can cause obstacles but does not have to stop us from achieving realistic goals (the movie "A beautiful Mind" is a good example) - even the noble prize is not impossible to sufferers.

My brother is paranoid schizophrenic and has worked off and on most of his adult life (he is 42). He can only work part time now because his mental health is declining but he is so much better and happier when working. The decline happened when he was unemployed for a lengthy period of time. It means much to him to work, to  to be independent is very important to the little self worth his has. But they do need professional help to cope and deal appropriately with the paranoia. When my brother isolated himself when unemployed his delusions and paranoia became worse. I hope this has helped. 

[Boo13]

Thank you for your response.  A difficult time, but your advice and support is appreciated.  He had an interview for casual work at Hungry Jacks yesterday and was thrilled.  Unfortunately this could be a double edged sword as he has put 20 kgs on since May this year due to lack of motivation and medication.

[Wattlebird]

I found your response to Boo13 very helpful and thoughtful. It's nice finding a place to connect with other parents of seriously mentally unwell young people. My son had his first psychosis (hopefully only one!) Dec 2 and has been home from hospital 3 weeks now. Steep learning curve for us all and so much heartbreak along the way. At first I felt no hope, felt like all our hard work, love and parenting has been useless... not being able to prevent this horrible thing happening to him... but this last week I've felt more able to feel confident and happier, just focusing on each hour and each day. Our lives have been tipped upside down in so many ways. Our son is 21, a very young 21 in many ways. He may also have autism/traits according to psychiatrists and he is gay... which in itself has been a stressful thing for him to realise as a shy teenager...he kept it secret.

[Boo13]

As a parent of a teenager with a serious mental health condition, I am continuously worrying about him, however I realise that I would contually worry about him irrespective of his health.  It is an innate part of being a mother.

We have ups and downs on this journey.  As you can see in my last post my son was doing well after having finally had a job interview (he got the job too), but the very next day he made a planned suicide attempt again.  He survives, but every time this happens, it gets a little more serious.  

Taking each day and hour as it co es is the new norm.  Life is different, difficult at times and stressful.  It is also still fun and enjoyable at times.  Perspective, about the small things is so important.

i hope your son doesn't experience anymore psychotic episodes.  It is scary for him and you.  Learning about psychosis and his medical condition is essential to helping you cope.  It makes it easier to understand what is happening and takes away some of the stress and self blame.  Always remember that you did nothing to cause this and that I am sure you are doing everything to support him.  

[Wattlebird]

I wish I could reach out to your son and stop him from his attempts on his life. He deserves to live, that's what I'd say. He deserves to be the hero in his own survival story. You must do all you can, hard as it is, knowing he may well succeed at ending his life... but he needs hope that over time he can enjoy at least some of his life. It is sooo unfair! So tough for someone so young without a fully matured brain. What he mostly needs is good medication, calm environment, love and any worthwhile activities paid OR not. Does he have a support worker? My son has just been me and is on his first outing away from us since hospital, with her. She started with him today. My husband and I are actually going out for a quick dinner alone.

[Boo13]

Thank you for your kind words.  I hope you enjoy your dinner.  

Our son is currently under the care of the Specialist Youth Mental Health outreach Service.  He has a case manager and a treating psychiatrist as part of the team.  His case manager comes to our house weekly to provide support.  His school is great and also supportive.  We are doing everything possible.  His medication has been changed several times and he appears to be settling a bit more now.  He has spent the last few weeks with extended family at the beach and has taken an interest I snorkelling.  He says it is soothing to be in a world of his own under the water.  He is also now interested in photography and we bought him a new camera.  Giving him distractions is useful.  Our problem is we don't eel omfortable to leave him alone anymore. Too many times we have thought he is ok and he has tried to end his life...

It is good you have someone to support your son on an outing.  We need to find time for ourselves too. I still work full time in a busy (HR Manager) role, but this is my respite.  Walking and exercise help and having good friends who are happy to just listen.  I can't stop and feel sorry for myself.  Others face difficult times too.  An old friend just lost her husband to cancer and has 2 kids in primary school.