Lived Experience Forum

[Nutnutsquirrel]

Hi

I am going through a similar relationship. Yes we are happier on our own. I have nevet felt this insecure in a relationship before so I researched attachment styles to gain coping strategies to deal with the spiralling self talk and anxiety. I was feeling this because the most important person to me was displaying uncaring and unloving behaviour. Many times it would hit me while I was alone and usually at night time.  This meant I wasnt comfortable talking to my close ones as it was heavy overwhemingly. I found podcasts. Eventually though ... I took care of myself and stood back tracking our relationship. He didn't deserve me giving my all. I hope you realise and see your value and worth.

I learned about soothing my central nervous system, about how to communicate,  about my anxiety and my intuition when it comes to a non communicating partner. He was hiding his true ferlings and acting out. I am worth more than that. I dated a few  guys who reminded me I was attractive, something I couldn't get from my boyfriend for months. 

Not telling you what to do... just saying I relate and feel for you.  There is a way through it and you will find it. First thing is to research how to cope with your feelings and get on top again. 

[Andrea1]

It’s been such a long time since I last wrote.  This is what has been happening between us. We are still together. There’s been lots of ups and downs. He continued being distant but would still text or call from time to time. Couple months later something terrible happened to him and his family. I was very supportive and didn’t complain about anything. Gave him few months to recover. But then found out that someone else has been consoling him, his old good and nice friend. That broke my heart again. In a mean time I was already on antidepressants,which did nothing for me. I saw them together, and kept hearing about them two. That’s when I decided to tell him that I can’t take it anymore, it was ruining me completely. His answer was that he doesn’t want to hurt me and he feels bad seeing me suffering. But still denying that he’s with her. And that he really hopes that life will bring us together again when we are both in better place. That’s when we ended it finally. For the first week i

felt relief but it hit me later. So bad, that I wanted to die. He reached out a month later and I couldn’t be happier. We started talking but he would still get mad when I mention his “friend”.

so I promised him that I won’t ask about her again. At that point I just wanted him back in my life so he was. It’s funny how low one woman would go for a man. After that he was going back to where we were at the beginning. So nice and loving. The thing is that he broke my heart so many times and each time left a scar. After that I was less sensitive, not responding his texts straightaway like I used to, when he asked to meet I wouldn’t, even though I could, just didn’t feel like it. So many disappointments made me care less. But the truth is that I still do have feelings for him but it’s not even close to how strong my feelings used to be. I feel like he isn’t close to his “friend” as he used to be but I know that she’s still in his life. At the moment I am not ready to end things yet, just waiting for the right time . The good thing is that I don’t wait for him to call me every minute like I used to as I am busy looking after myself. Now he is the one getting upset if I don’t answer. The fact is that all of disappointments trough out our relationship has nearly killed my love for him. I let him ruin my confidence, happiness and desire to live. Not worth it. Still have some feelings for him but those Feelings are slowly fading,and I am much happier person now. Time is everithing. Still not looking for someone else, just not interested.