Skip to main content

Re: Holding the ends together

Ta @Shaz51, @Determined.

Mother-in-law's funeral was yesterday. All went fairly smoothly, which is what you need when it's a hard day. Older Daughter didn't end up going as she was feeling physically unwell. It was a very long day- leaving here a bit before 9am, getting home after 9pm. I don't think she'd handle that well at any time.

There were three eulogies from different people in her life. One from us, one from her sister, and one from a close friend, plus what my Father-in-law wrote up for the back of the Order of Service, and it was good seeing how much these were all in agreement. Her sister was also unable to attend due to poor health, but her adult son was there. so we made sure he was included in all the family-specific things on her behalf.

The burial was happening at a fairly new and rather huge cemetery, on the side of a gently rolling hill. Which meant that when we arrived, we couldn't see where the hearse was because it was behind a rise. But an old friend of mine who works in the funeral industry works there (which I didn't realise- new cemetery, therefore new place of employment) and when he saw our family name on the burials list for the day, he decided he could take the time to meet us all at the gate and guide us through to the right spot. That was a total Godsend. I asked him to hang around for the graveside ceremony. Was glad to have him there. 

We're probably leaving for Mum and Dad's place Sunday afternoon. It's way too soon to do a trip like that, but if we put it off, it'll just be preying on our minds until we get to it, so we'll bite the bullet, push through the next week... and then try to get some serious rest and recovery.

Is heart-tired a thing? I feel like it should be...

Re: Holding the ends together

Hi @Clawde... spotted you there. 🙂

 

Re: Holding the ends together

Sending you lots of tender hugs my friend  for today xoxox 

@Determined , @AussieRecharger , @Faith-and-Hope , @tyme , @Boo13 ,l @Anastasia 

Re: Holding the ends together

Thinking of.you as you travel @Smc 

Re: Holding the ends together

Hi @Smc ,

Notice in the likes you are back online

Trust the travel and trip away is going/ went well.

Thinking of you . 

 

Re: Holding the ends together

Hi @Determined. Yeah, we're back home.

Feeling pretty "topped out". Travel both ways went smoothly enough, but we didn't get a huge amount done most of the days we were there. Too overloaded and tired. We wanted to get some idea what was missing before we went to the police, so didn't do that until late Wednesday. Had a CSI police officer come around the next morning, and as well as photos, she was able to take away some alcohol cans and a partially smoked cigarette that the culprits had left behind for DNA testing. That, plus the fact that they went to the next door neighbours house to spin the story that they were entering the yard as tradies... and the neighbours have a doorbell camera so got footage of them... means there's a reasonable possibility the police willl be able to track them down.

Once the policewoman had left, we stacked the car and trailer as full as we could with things that we were increasingly uncomfortable about leaving behind. They'd poked through all sorts of drawers and boxes, probably didn't find any easy convertibles like cash or stamps, but they did take some pushbikes, and they emptied a plastic crate out onto the floor and took it away, so we presume there was something inside it, but have no idea exactly what.

The pianola rolls have come home, but the pianola can't follow until we've made space here, and can hire a moving van/truck. Can't do anything about that at the moment. We've locked down the house up there as well as we can, hope that does it.

In the middle of all this we decided that a treat event might be a good idea, and Midnight Oil is doing their final-ever last tour, so we got online to book tickets yesterday... accidentally went through a scalpers website. 😠 Couldn't cancel the transaction, but turned out we could put a stop on the debit card payment. Rebooked this morning via the official site. It would have "contaminated" our enjoyment of the event to go on illegitimate tickets (assuming we didn't get turned back at the gate anyway), but seriously, we didn't need that extra stress. Praying that all sorts out without extra hassle from the scalper's site. It may take up to a month for the money to come back to us.

And today was a sort of hard but sort of good day. Our Younger Son is performing in a play at the moment, and also did some of the costume making and prop making for it, so we headed down to the Big City to see it this afternoon. Didn't want to miss out on his professional debut, but it's a play that centres around the "second main" character's struggle with mental illness, and dealing with death and grief. Kind of raw subject matter, especially at the moment. Was stressed on the trip down, but actually feeling a little better once it was over and we were heading home. Maybe because in some ways the grief in the performance felt like it validated our grief?

This week, as much as possible, we're going to need to focus on looking after ourselves. We've agreed to go along to a "focus group" discussion on Tuesday re. supporting mental health carers and family members. I wasn't going to put our hands up, but the lady who organises the local MH carers support group was very keen on us being there, because we can speak from experience on how MI affects the broader family. Am expecting that will be a confronting afternoon, but if it can contribute to better support for families, it will be worth pushing through this "one more thing". But I'll definitely plan for an easy dinner afterwards, and light duties the rest of the week.

Re: Holding the ends together

Focus group thingy was yesterday. It was friendly and well run. I think we were all (facilitators included) in agreement that the funding available for MH carer support was at "a drop in the ocean" level, even with new funding added in, but we've been able to give them a heap of feedback about what we feel is important. If even some of it happens, it will be a help.

Felt edgy and uptight leading up to the meeting, but much better once it was underway.

I think with so much extra happening lately, I just don't have much leeway left for anything unpredictable. Even booking accommodation for seeing the Midnight Oil concert and another event we're going to in a few weeks felt "risky". In reality, the process was very mundane.

There's a "Carer Wellbeing Survey" that's publicised by one of the official support organisations. I participated in one back last April, so I've completed this year's too, which means they can gauge whether things are getting better or worse. Sadly, it's looking worse. It was confronting seeing how many of the "recent stress events" I ticked off. But at least that explains why I'm feeling so crummy right now? I'll admit it's not helped by knowing how bad the flooding up north is at the moment. Our place had floodwater through it back in 2011, and that rain happened when Queensland weather moved south. BOM isn't indicating that that's going to affect our area this time, but it's a fine balance between needing to be appropriately informed, but not falling into "doomscrolling".

So now... there's the next three days at home; with booked overnight accommodation, we can treat the concert as a "look after ourselves" weekend instead of just an evening. So those three days need to have enough self care happening that we can relax and enjoy.

Re: Holding the ends together

@Smc 

Trust things are more settled in the days after you forum. So much of what you have said resonates. Particually the challenges in arranging mundane tasks 😕

 

And the weather is holding out down your way. Not nice in some areas south of the boarder watching the news

 Bit of recurring anxiety up here with most schools being evacuated in SE QLD, thankfully that amounted to nothing.  

Re: Holding the ends together

Hi @Smc 

Thinking of you and family

Trust all is.as well as it can be for you with all that is going on. 

Re: Holding the ends together

Hi @Determined, ditto back at you?

Some good, some not here. The Midnight Oil concert and weekend away did a very good job of giving us an emotional reset. I'm still up and down, but that's better than constantly really down. I've got a too long list of phonecalls that I need to make to sort stuff out, including re. the house break in at my parents' place, but am finding them hard to face.

And sadly it's all being complicated by a return of "voices" and SH with Older Daughter. I won't go into detail about that here. This thread's meant to be my "me-space". I'm thinking I might start up another new thread, as her original diagnosis was off the mark, and things are in a different space to where they were back then. Should I tag you in to that (when I get around to it), or are you dealing with enough on your own front at the moment?