Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Hi Everyone it seems like ages, since Ive been on the forums but basically theres alot going in , I found myself feeling spaced out or disasociating in the car after speaking with various family members today and I guess the main subject on family members minds is my aunts cancer ,after feeling spaced out / disacotiating I felt alot of anger and frustration about whats happening ,generally the whole family is showing empathy and concern but we are all also trying to keep a positive outlook despite the forshadowing of her many hospital visits  in recnt weeks and the chemo treatment that will ensue its a scary time for her personally and all those around her ,my role so far has been the listening ear and messanger for family ,trying to keep everyone in the loop although today it got to me a bit ,especially when her husband discussed her possible side effects of treatment ,I might add this is not the first time weve seen a family membr go through cancer Journey and treatment ,which brings an underlying unsettling feeling of history repeating itself but yet where all trying to remain optimistic and it still is only early days but yes difficult indeed, one thing I find myself needing to try to push back in my mind is that this is again happening to a different person but of course with seeing this happen previously its hard not to asociate with previous cancer Journeys that family members have had , this is in fact the 4th family member whos going through this , in other aspects of life theres also still alot going on as house renovations are happening at the same time ,I dont know I guess maybe in the midst of all this the family really is looking after eachother in whichever way we can but mostly by talking and listening and helping eachother practically at this stage as for the renovations thats in my house ,thank you also for taking the time to listen here, its not easy feeling like the go to person or listener or messanger but again and again it seems my natural role in family 

[tyme]

You sure have been through a lot @LostAngel ! I'm glad you have found your way back to the forums. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt's cancer. It's a real life-changer.... and it sounded like it was quite unexpected???

I'm here if you need a listening ear.

[Notakoala]

Thank you for sharing. It's well highlighted you care for your family and they sound like they care about each other. I wish you and your family well, and hope you get in some self-care.

[tyme]

Hey @Notakoala ,

Good to see you. Welcome to the forums. I hope you find these forums helpful.

We look forward to seeing you around!

[Owlunar2]

Hi @LostAngel 

I hear what you are saying - and everyone trying to have a positive outlook about chemo sounds stressful and not really honest.

My family of origin would have been the same - never talk about the reality - and maybe your aunt would need someone to listen to her real thoughts at this time.

I can't tell really - but I would rather focus on the truth than a positive attitude until there was the time and place for such an event.

You have done the right thing to post - I understand - and yes - it is hard to be the information person - I care about that - it's a huge job and surely the family could share the load.

But perhaps not - we care here though

Owlunar

[LostAngel]

Thank you @tyme Will definetly let you know when a listening ear is needed and yes it was very unexpected news @Owlunar2 thank you so much for caring and also understanding much appreciated , @Notakoala  welcome and again thank you I can see if need of listening from caring people arises Im in safe hands , 

[tyme]

Hope you are okay @LostAngel . Please take care.

[LostAngel]

thank you @tyme not to make a pun exactly but it feels like a long time between my visits to the Forums, actually thats something Ive wondered recently wether silence is in fact a good thing or not in my general life at the momment ,things do in some ways feel at a bit of a stand still for now,the renovations are in very slow progression ,and in terms of my motivation or intention of gaining employment thats a bit up in the air between wether I try the same approach or maybe try something differnt like prehaps a traineeship ,I mean still it seems theres a lot going on and yet at times theres nothing but silence and stillness ,in regards to my aunts cancer journey things have been up and down there she has her good days and not so good days and recurring fears concerning the treatment, she has already been in and out of hospital at least well too often than family would like to see happen,the last stay was due to an infection in her bloodstream which again is scary and yet she seems to be starting to show signs of a shift in mood almost like her usual personality although Im mindfull it could be a brave fasade at least she seems to have a small sense of posisitivitity or hopefullness inspite of everything shes going through ,she is focussing on things like getting christmas decorations for her front garden just small things like that that shes seems focussed on, its a complex thing fear mixed with some signs of hope ,I guess theres a acheivement of sorts in finally getting my backyard and front yard tidied ,I bought a lawnmower which thankfully worked perfectly, outdoors , fresh air and nature that does have a healing quality in a sense thanks for listening friends will pop by again soon for a chat , Lost Angel 

[tyme]

Nature sure does have a healing power! @LostAngel 

Thanks for the update. I always look forward to reading about how you are going. And how's your little brother?

I'm glad to hear the renovations are getting somewhere. Slow and steady I guess.

I hope your aunt recovers soon. It sounds like a bit of a long road....

How are you otherwise?

[tyme]

Hey @LostAngel , 

Just popping in to say hi. Hope you are okay.