Lived Experience Forum

[ENKELI]

Hi,

Glad to have found an outlet where I can be honest and not have to hide. I live with depression, anxiety and BP2 disorder.
Where to begin. At the moment I am not working so everyday seems to be the same thing, wake up, struggle to get out of bed and dressed, wonder what the heck I am going to do until I go to bed again. 
I don't have the energy for anything. This year started out okay, not the best but it just got worst. My best friend of over 10 years ghosted me and also made her family ghost me - that included her 2 kids who were my Godchildren, her mother who was like my 2nd mum and her brother. I was too controlling. She promised me that she would rather have me at my worst than not at all. I was 50% to blame and I accept that but it didn't stop the pain and hurt.
On top of this I resigned in August so that I could care for my father, who I haven't seen in at least 10 years. Upshot is he then decided to go in to full time care, leaving me with no money and no job.
I feel like I am breaking apart. I never seem to be able to say the right thing, I am worried about my financial obligations and I am not looking forward to Christmas or New Year.
@Birdofparadise8 every time I see your profile pic I smile because the song I relate to at the moment is Breathe.

Thanks for letting me vent, now that I have put it in writing I am able to cry and hopefully start to get better.

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @ENKELI 

I'm a swiftie. Are you? That is a good song. I really love Haunted. I can feel the emotion in it. It helps me feel. 

I'm sorry you're struggling but welcome to the forums. I've been here for a little over a year, and the forums have been a great support for me. 

I'm sure that will be the same for you.

[Birdofparadise8]

Another thing is that I'm not currently working since I lost my job. I still have a bit of uni, but what I find helpful is having a list of things I can do in the week so I don't just lounge around and do nothing @ENKELI.

Wherever you live, look up some places you want to visit or events. As it's leading up to Christmas, there might be many more Christmas-related things if you're into that. 

[tyme]

Hey @ENKELI ,

That sounds so tough. I hear you. Sounds like you gave up everything to care for your father and since he's gone into care, your days are the same, day in, day out?

It's probably not possible now, but is there a chance you can look for a job in the future? Even just to break the monotony of life?

Do you think depression is causing you to feel you don't have energy for things?

[Zoe7]

It is so hard going from full on life during the day to nothing @ENKELI I had 2 years off work after first getting really sick which resulted in chronic fatigue with of course depression etc. kicking in on top of that. It was such a horrible time in my life and I really feel for you in your present situation. It is so hard to even think of doing things when you have no energy and no desire but bit by bit, little by little, things started to turn for me. It certainly was not overnight and took A LOT of help and support. Some of that greatest support was right here on the forums and from the team at SANE so despite what has brought you here, I am so happy you found us. I hope this can be a place for you to connect with others and find some hope along the way.

[ENKELI]

Thank you @Zoe7! 
Everything you have said is so true. I had an extended period off due to COVID a couple of years ago but there wasn't the loss and upside down feeling at that time. Sure I was depressed but I hadn't lost so much at that time. I hope things are heaps better for you now 🙂

@tyme yes I will have to look for work - the car and mortgage won't pay themselves much as I wish they would! I'm single so it's up to me to make sure these things are paid. I am not in the right headspace at the moment sadly, I doubt I would get hired being that I am older and thanks to my medication I have developed a condition called dry mouth which has caused my teeth to become brittle and fall apart. I feel self conscious because of the poor condition my teeth are in and my dad had promised to pay for the treatment but now says he can't. I am going to have to get some positive self talk happening to get over these obstacles.

@Birdofparadise8 ironically I first heard of Taylor when I was in a mental health facility and I bought her Fearless album (hence Breathe). Over the years I have collected more of her music and she is probably the only secular artist I listen to regularly at the moment. 

Thanks so much, you've made my day a little brighter ❤️

[tyme]

There are people here  24/7 @ENKELI 

Please feel free to reach out. They may not respond immediately, but people will 🙂

You deserve to feel a sense of connection and belonging.

[Zoe7]

Things are much better for me now @ENKELI but it has taken a lot of work and a lot of support. I cannot over emphasise how much the support right here has helped. I would not have gotten through the first few months without it. I have been back at work for 4 years now (fulltime) and whilst not every day is great, it is a job I enjoy ...then I get to come home to my fur babies and the world is just a little brighter again 🐶🐱

I also live alone so the financial hits at the moment are pretty massive. I have cut back on everything I can so not sure how I am going to go if we have any more rate rises 😢

@tyme 👋❤️

[Birdofparadise8]

Oh really, she is so good @ENKELI