Hi @DGoldman.
I have BPD myself and although I can't speak for you, I do know from my personal experience that in the past, I've felt that I'm alone and that I don't fit in anywhere. It took a long time for me to get formally diagnosed with the condition, including several voluntary stays on psych wards in another state where I was doing uni at the time and even then, the doctors didn't diagnose me until I came back to my home state on a uni break and got a proper diagnosis of it, along with 2 other mh conditions.
Even now, 10 or so years since my BPD diagnosis, I've had trouble fitting in with people and making friends, let alone maintaining friendships. I've stopped and started new courses- I did graduate from uni in 2009 but not from the degree I initially started in- and I haven't had a job since 2003 before I went to uni in 2004.
I'm lucky that I've finally found a TAFE course that will hopefully lead me to a job in the mental health field, as a peer worker, and I live with a housemate who I met when I was living in a residential facility in 2016. I used to live with my dad but he couldn't handle my mental health issues so I left home. He's got anxiety and depression and is an alcoholic and I've since had issues with that relationship after what happened. My housemate is great and we've got a cat who keeps us company that I adopted but I don't have any real friends as such. My classmates at TAFE don't live near me and I only see them for 2-3 days a week for 6 hours, so it's tough. My old mental health worker wanted me to socialise with other people but I'm not really into groups and my hobbies aren't really group type activities. In my NDIS plan which I'm due to go for a pre planning meeting soon, my old worker stated the group thing about getting me to meet people my own age- I'm 41 but only feel 30 if that and certainly don't act 41😂!- but I'm hoping that once I complete my TAFE course, I'll meet new people and go from there. At the moment, I'm looking at volunteer opportunities to help me get into the job I want so hopefully that helps, at least with meeting new people and stuff like that.
As for you, I'd look at the positives, in that you have a job and that you make your own money instead of me on Centrelink allowances. I'd love to have a job and my goal is to move to the country so I can buy my own place - my twin has already done this and has been working fsince she was 21 with the same company- so think of it that way. I don't have a partner right now although I'd like a mr to walk into my life and that hurts me too but I try to stay positive and keep thinking that he'll turn up eventually!
I'm sorry for waffling on! BPD isn't nice at times and she can really mess with you as I've found out, but I'm still around after so many years and I'm still learning new things about her. Sure, I don't like her at times, but she's taught me so many things about myself that I could never have dreamt of or done and believe it or not, I kinda like having her around, in a weird sort of way. At least I know that I'm different, unique and I can feel emotions which makes me special in my own little way.
You are a very special person @DGoldman and please remember that. Good things happen all the time, often when you least expect it, so believe in yourself. Good luck🍀 and feel free to respond if you want to. I'm here😊!
I'm sorry to hear that you feel alone at the moment, I hope you find the forums to be a really supportive place with a lot of people who may be able to relate to your experiences.
