I can’t cope

[Jynx]

We're experiential learners @Captain24 if you had no good experiences to compare it to, the assumption that 'this is just what psychologists are like' is a pretty logical conclusion to come to. Now you know, and can set higher standards for what you need in your support team! All part of the learning 😊

Yep, try again tomorrow! You might do better, you might do worse, you might do about the same - but the trying is what matters! And it sounds like you're really kicking some goals which should in turn reduce stress levels, giving you more energy to put toward recovery. Big kudos!

Haha lego thief!! Lil scamp!

A brazier is just a fancy word for a metal fire pit thingy! Perfect for cold nights 😉

[Captain24]

I finished the Lego @Jynx with no little black thief! 

 

 A fire pit sounds nice.

[Jynx]

@Captain24 omg...it's so cute?! And actually TRANSFORMS? Amazing 😍 What's next on the lego agenda? I mean maybe after a break for your back 😅

Should prolly bid you goodnight hun! I hope your Sunday is exactly what you need it to be - and don't forget to be gentle with yourself! Big love, big hugs 😋💜

[Captain24]

I think I’ll do some diamond art tomorrow after I have done my jobs for the day. @Jynx 

Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll try again. 

Have a good Sunday and thank you for supporting me tonight. 

[Jynx]

Always a wondrous pleasure to chat @Captain24! Yewww can't wait to see the diamond art 😍 Chat next time poppet 💜

[Captain24]

So I have taken my night meds 2 hours ago. I’m still awake. They are suppose to put me straight to sleep. I guess sleeping all afternoon has ruined it. Maybe that’s why I’m not supposed to have an afternoon nap. I can’t risk sleeping tomorrow afternoon as I have to get up and go to work Monday. 

Im scared to go to work . What if they question my hospital stay. What if they question my legs and feet going numb. What if they suspend me again. I’m not going to know my way around anyway. 

I have a few things to do tomorrow. I need to start putting self care into my days. I need to follow my safety plan. I can see warning signs but are they just settling back into life. But I do know that I’m still not well. But I am better than when I went in. 

My babies are sound asleep next to me. One at my feet and the other by my side. I wish I could be asleep like them. I love them they are my world. All I want to do is be with them. I missed them while I was stuck in hospital. 

Im just rambling away hoping that I get tired and go to sleep. 

[Captain24]

So I had a win today. I did my entire job list. I lit a candle and did some diamond art. Plus I didn’t go back to bed. 

My mood is still pretty shit but I guess it is what it is. I really need more support than I’ve got right now.

I go back to work tomorrow so there is no time for support. I’m not sure if I can do it. After so long off everything in the pit will have changed. So I’m anxious about going, about being physically able to. Are they going to question my leg pain, are they going to accept that I’m fit for work. Am I able to get up so early. I haven’t been shopping so I don’t think I have enough food but that is a good thing. 

It just all feel all to much. I’m scared. What I’m thinking isn’t helping either. My thoughts are in the wrong place. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Good to see you here.

Glad to hear you got your list sorted. At the same time, I can see why it would be an anxious time with going back to work.

Maybe it's about just going and not thinking too much about it?

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

My anxiety is through the roof. I need to worry about the next 5 minutes. But I can’t stop thinking to far ahead. I have a rapid heart rate, I have a headache, I’m shaking, I’m really short of breath. I’m panicking 

[tyme]

Sorry to hear @Captain24 ,

Does PRN help?

Deep breathing? Music?

I hear it sounds so hard at the moment.