Lived Experience Forum

[_PixieSolstice_]

I lost it, big time tonight. 

I was pretty much demanded to vacuum the place tonight, right there and then, by one of the workers here.

one of the other girls got out of doing any cleaning tonight, because “she had a headache”

I’ve been struggling with body pain all day, and headaches for the last week. I’ve mentioned it several times today alone.

I just felt that my pain clearly wasn’t good enough compared to others. (Which is an absolute horrible thing to say, I know)

I got so grouchy, and snapped that I’d do it, and then halfway through I started getting teary and then it all came out. like it’s cool I’m getting a good cry out of my system but for goodness sakes, Pixie. 

I snapped at the worker that “I’ve had a headache all day and you’ve been demanding me to do things whilst doing so, why can’t we do it after dinner like we always do” and shoved the vacuum away, and I’ve hid in my room for the last two hours, still crying and I’ve found I’ve been shaking non stop for the whole time. Am I shaking because of anxiety? Anger? Stress? What the hell is going on

i don’t want to talk to either staff member on tonight as I’m just such a wreck. 
they’ll probably tell me to get my meds anytime soon, and we’ll have our “nightly checkout” where we talk about our day. I don’t want to do that for obvious reasons.

I just sincerely hope the staff in the morning are cool. Most of the staff here are nice, it’s just this one lady - who only seems to work Saturday nights (thank goodness) that’s just rubbed me the wrong way.

I just hate getting so emotional so quickly and not knowing what to do. I hate my mind.

[NatureLover]

So sorry for your distress and invalidation by the others, @_PixieSolstice_  😢

[tyme]

Hey @_PixieSolstice_ ,

How are you feeling now? I’m thinking of you. I’m sorry last night was so triggering and physical pain doesn’t help. 

Did you get to speak to a staff member about it? It may be helpful just to get it out.

[_PixieSolstice_]

Thanks @NatureLover 😊

it was super awkward as the staff member was on in the morning @tyme (thankfully with another staff member who is honestly the human version of sunshine so I went to her if I needed anything) and I debriefed with her and another staff member about it today, which was nice, they understood why I was a tad triggered