Lived Experience Forum

[Amethyst2]

I have bipolar disorder and I'm being treated and on antipsychotics. On Saturday I had a massive fight with my boyfriend who is my main source of support in my life and I went to work feeling very distressed and upset. I started crying and was unable to work and my work sent me home. I saw my boyfriend again and we resolved things but ever since that day I've been feeling so down and the last 2-3 days days I've had very little motivation and no interest in things I usually like.

I'm not sure if the distress that I experienced the other day during the fight has triggered some sort of significant mood change. I was extremely upset and couldn't stop crying and felt like I was in a very dark place because I was so afraid that my whole world was falling apart because my boyfriend is everything to me.

I've realised that something going wrong with the relationship will almost certainly cause a depressive episode in me and now I'm worried how I will cope if we ever have a huge fight again and start thinking I'm going to lose him. 

I have felt little interest in anything I usually enjoy these past few days, but the feeling is no way near as severe as it was before I was medicated, so something is going right at least. I just really need some help understanding what is going on with my mood. 

[Oaktree]

Hi @Amethyst2 

I understand. I also have bipolar and have ended up in hospital after distressing events. You need to work on yourself. Learn to love yourself, build up your strength and resilience. You need to be ok on your own. It’s great to have someone that supports you but you need to be ok on your own too! Maybe if you work with a psychologist and or do a few groups to help you build resilience it will help. I am with a government adult mental health clinic and there is no cost but you have to wait on waiting lists. I do hope things improve for you soon!

Meggle

[PrincessLettuce]

Hi @Amethyst2 ,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. 

It sounds like this episode has given you a lot of insight.  Are you linked into support?

- PrincessLettuce

[Amethyst2]

Hey @Oaktree, thanks for sharing.

I do wish I was more resilient and had that strength within me but I just have so much work to do because of past trauma. I thought maybe a good first step would be to make some new friends and have that as a support network which will make it easier to cope if something goes wrong in my relationship. I lost my group of close friends during COVID just before I received my diagnosis because I was out of control, didn't make effort to communicate with them and they just could not understand what I was going through (and before I got diagnosed, I had no idea what was going on with me either). I was hospitalised last year and since coming out of there I have been doing significantly better, I've almost been able to live a normal life. But I know deep down that I need to work on myself, make some friends who will support me and have a network outside of the relationship to rely on so I'm not so reliant on my relationship for my wellbeing. 

[Amethyst2]

Hey @PrincessLettuce 

Thanks for your response. I just started seeing a mental health nurse last week and I'm seeing her tomorrow and will tell her all of this. Hopefully she will be able to help me understand what is going on with these mood changes.