Lived Experience Forum

[LJ93]

Hello everyone! Hoping to reach out or maybe just word vomit. I’ve been a compulsive liar since I was little and I recall struggling with deep shame and identity crisis my entire life. I go between deeply disliking the people around me to feeling utter adoration for them. I am currently in my first long term relationship in over seven years and I keep going through these loops with my partner. Afterwards I feel anxious and scared and alone but during my anger bursts I experience malice, spite and delusions of grandeur. Just wondering if anyone has any tips for mindfulness going forwards? The people in my life deserve better. 

[jazz]

Hi @LJ93 great that you have reached out and welcome to the forums. It can be so tricky navigating relationships, especially with a mental diagnosis. This is a great supportive space and hopefully you will get some clarity and connection soo. Anyone else relate?

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @LJ93 , it's good to have you here. 

It sounds like you have good insight into yourself 👍

I'm going to tag @tyme  and @BPDSurvivor  as they have great insights about BPD, if they are around. 

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @LJ93 ,

How are you going? I just read your post and want you to know you are not alone. I lived that life you described and I know it only too well.

I was tormented by myself. I hurt so many people. To combat this, I stayed away from people but then became super isolated. 

Good news is, BPD is very treatable. Psychotherapy makes a huge difference but it takes a lot of time and it is very hard work. I engaged in MBT over the course of a solid 18 months. Oh; forgot to mention that the group therapy each week is what is the hardest but most helpful. So this treatment was a combination or group and individual therapy each week.

All the best. Hope to hear from you to see how you are going