Lived Experience Forum

[Damien23]

So hey everyone I’m new here and need a bit of help well more than a bit. I have tried so many conventional methods nothing really seems to work. 

been diagnosed with ADD, OCD, PTSD and generalised anxiety disorder. 

been having some issues with my partner who says I’m being emotionally abusive I just don’t know where to start or is this something I’m even doing or is it a gaslight situation. 

so many unresolved issues in my past and present situation I don’t know how to figure it out I currently feel extremely low and not actually sure if my partner loves me or not as it seems like so much effort to message back or talk to me on the phone.. we don’t live together and have been dating for 18 months. 

see even this post doesn’t make sense. 

[hluppy]

@Damien23 Welcome to the forums. I can assure you that your post makes total sense! Thank you for sharing. It sounds like a very difficult situation. Have you been able to speak to your partner about how you're feeling within the relationship at the moment? And what examples she has that makes her feel you are emotionally abusing her? Sounds like a very big conversation, maybe to have in person, if you think that's a possibility?

As a side note, I also have C-PTSD and it is really difficult to navigate relationships when you are still operating from a trauma response way of seeing things and dealing with things. Seeing a psychologist has helped me start to unpack that trauma, but it's really long and difficult work. I wish you all the best!

[Jynx]

Hi @Damien23 welcome, glad to have you with us. 

I think as @hluppy said, it sounds like a big conversation may need to be had with your partner. It sounds like you are not trying to be abusive and that in itself is a very big green flag - abusers don't tend to question themselves, and are active in their desire to manipulate. You could always reach out to 1800respect if you wanted to talk it through with someone. Relationships Australia are another great resource to look into as well. 

Letting your partner know that you're feeling this way can be a difficult step to take, but often leads to clarity and the opportunity to repair things. 

[Damien23]

We’ve had a few discussions about it.

last one was a big one with me being upset saying I would like to communicate more and that I don’t feel important in this relationship as she rarely has time to talk when we’re not together. 

context partner has 3 kids who have additional needs and she is studying at university. 

She constantly makes plans when we usually see each other without asking me what I think or if I had anything organised. 

going to have to bare with me a bit as I don’t remember everything in detail as my overthinking seems to make that difficult. 

Partner made a comment to me the other day saying what she organised with her kids regarding time with their dad has nothing to do with me and only between “ her kids and their father “ 

[Jynx]

Mm that is tricky @Damien23, though I'm glad that you two are able to communicate honestly with one another. 

I don't have much to offer, as I'm about to log off for the evening, but you could also try Mensline if you wanted to unpack it with someone. I hope even just being able to share and be heard in this space is helpful for you. 

[Just]

I'm new here to. So don't know if this will help or not. But I read your"Trauma response" post. The last bit about it not making sense is the part that to me makes a lot of sense. Life is hard, it's harder when your trying to work it out with someone else. The fact that your trying to work things out about your partner. Is amazing. I hope you get some clarity soon. I guess if your worried about your partner's feelings. Start by showing how much you care. I'm no expert in fact I personally can't seem to have a relationship. But felt your pain and just hope things are getting better for you .

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @Damien23  🙂

Do you have a trauma-informed counsellor or psychologist? You said you've tried conventional methods, but I hope you can persevere as therapy has brought me a lot of healing from my trauma.

I also recently read "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, about trauma, where he has some unconventional methods of healing. It's an American book but  might shed some insight.

A handy forum tip is if you tag someone by typing @ and then clicking on their name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

Good luck...