Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Smc]

I didn't take it as either nasty or disrespectful @Determined. This stuff hurts. Sometimes you need the chance to say so.

Is your marriage counsellor aware of the BPD, and the complications it can bring into a relationship? Putting on my "amateur psychologist" hat (i.e. make sure you run this by someone genuinely qualified!)...

BPD behaviours include splitting (someone is all-good or all-bad with no shades in between) and projecting. I wonder if, rather than actually hating you, you may simply be in the "all-bad" basket at the moment because some of what you've said or done has been seen as bad by her, and that "wipes out" any good points in you in her mind? It may also be worth asking re. projection, who is it that she hates; you, herself, someone else?

I've seen both happen during my childhood. My Dad was accused or suspected of things that he'd never dream of doing. I spent a very unbalanced part of my time in the "all-good" basket while my sister was relegated to the "all-bad".

[Former-Member]

@Determined not at all, I think we need to say it as it is. 

[Determined]

Thanks @Smc @Former-Member

Having a hard time at the moment and don't know what to do. Feeling unloved, unappreciated and everything I do is for nothing.  I am considering seeing if the uni councillor is available tomorrow to talk to.  I also have a 3 hour shift for work (at the uni) tomorrow and really am not looking forward to pretending to be happy.

@Smc couples councillor is well aware of BPD, she lost a child to suicide who lived with BPD.

Re splitting behaviours, I honestly think darling hates me because in her mind I am 'all bad'

Can't  handle the fact 'I am too useless to work' (her words not mine). And I cant even look at the older boys without being accused of being angry at them. 

[Smc]

Thinking of you. And praying.

[Former-Member]

@Determined thinking especially of you. Were you able to speak to uni counselor today?  

[Determined]

Thanks @Former-Member

Uni councillor was not there yesterday 😞

It was a busy shift at work though so the day went fast and I was able to hide in a corner and not interact with too many people. 

Planing a day in the yard today. Have a big.patch of cobler pegs to weed out. May go into town at some point and do some laps of one of the parks. At the moment I am stiĺl hiding in bed. 

[Former-Member]

@Determined  I do hope you are able to do one thing today for yourself and that you will feel you have made progress on one thing you want to achieve around home.

[Determined]

Darling has just asked if I will join her at playgroup with S3 and if we can go to the park after for a picnic lunch so he can feed the ducks.   Hoping that doing something like this together might make a difference. 

[Determined]

Well today went better than expected.

My darling seemed to enjoy it also and thanked me after returning from the school run this afternoon. I am glad I went after initally not really wanting to. It can be so depressing though getting a taste of how thigs can and should be only to return to dysfunction and anxiety. 

I really need to find some practical ways to unwind so I am less tense and stressed around the family. Part of the pronlem is I dont really have any hobbies or friends. 

[Determined]

Hoping to be able to go out as a family today, Darling would very much rather stay in bed and sulk for the day.

I am making an effort at the moment not to emotionally withdraw. Something I think I may have been doing more of recently...   I am desperately in need of some emotional connection at the moment but not looking the least bit likley unfortunately.