Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Smc]

@Determined, apparently the denial thing is a normal part of grief. There's some level in us where death just doesn't make sense. How can someone so full of life and personality suddenly just stop? Grief counseling sounds wise. If your minister is someone who's good to talk with, maybe catch up there too. Church pastors oversee a lot of people as they "leave" us.

[Determined]

@Smc  our church pastor would be great to discuss this with but he is about to go on 2 months leave. All part of the prevention of the effects of burnout and compassion fatigue that tt was discussing last night. He has been a great support with checking in on us all over the last couple of weeks and we could still touch base with him this week but I suspect he will be quite busy this week already. 

[Determined]

I am so thankful that our boys have had the support of youth leaders in our church. Only young guys themselves just out of school. 

I think just having opportunities to talk about mum and progress for all of us is helping a lot.  

For Darling having Dad to dote on and look out for has been good. Something that has been a mutual process as Dad has been the same fornus all and is very much appreciating being a bigger part of our every day lives.  

Appreciate your thoughts and reply.

[Former-Member]

@Determined 

There are times when we grow weary of being the strong one. We too feel lost, alone and sad. 

I wonder at times that because we have worn the protective armour for so long we are afraid of getting hurt if we show any vulnerability especially when our loved ones have not responded with the love and compassion we so desperately want.

Grief is a companion we travel with often, how each of us handle it is different, for you it might be motorbike rides .... if you feel the need to express yourself and your fears, you have your counselor (and us).

[Smc]

@Former-Member @Determined 

I realised at our friend's funeral last week that I try to avoid crying because I know that I feel drained and tired afterwards. Too often "drained" is something I can't afford.

[Determined]

Understand that well @Smc 

Thinking of you especially at the moment. 

[Determined]

@Former-Member  that all makes a lot of sense.

Long drives / (now looking forward to rides) alone is something I find most helpful. 

All my trips to visit darling when she was in hospital that everyone was getting anxious about was as much about me having a time out while driving as the visit. 

[Former-Member]

For the most I find tears cathartic. 

[Determined]

A problem I have @Former-Member  is that once the tears come it is soo hard to turn them off. 

Possibly  a side effect of trying to be strong and composed all the time?

I fear the non function and lack of composure that comes with the tears.

[Former-Member]

As I am on my own often it has probably not been so much of an issue for me @Determined .