Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Determined]

Just finished typing a long post updating things @Former-Member  and lost it when wifi dropped out.

[Determined]

Feeling a little more settled about things just now @Former-Member... nothing has changed for the better unfortunately just I am less resentful about things for however long that lasts. 

At my GP appointment last week  gp suggested maybe it was time to give up and move on with life. While this initially annoyed me what it achieved was for me to ask myself why am I still in this marriage. It is a choice. This solidified my resolve that I want to be here more than have to...

I am embarrassed to admit I have contemplated recently if we would all be better off with different living arrangements and have felt trapped and resentful as a result  😔  

Then in church this morning the message was around divorce. Not judgmental but loving and informative. It has given me some peace about our direction. Not going to fix anything but a change in my attitude and response may smoothe things out along the way if only for myself. 

[Determined]

Just wanted to share as writing it out like this helps me to order my thoughts. Analyse why to different things which gives me *peace  for better things to come if only for my own emotional wellbeing. Still I have a lot of work to do on myself but this last couple of days has been good for me in that regard. 

*edit = fixed typos

[Determined]

After over a week of wet and miserable today was a beautiful day, blue sky, little or no wind. 

We have an Uncle and Aunt of darlings staying for the last couple of days visiting from nsw, 

Today uncle and I rode my and mums motorbikes down to a lake side location while the rest of the family drove and met up for a picnic lunch, was a lovely relaxing day. 

[Former-Member]

@Determined 

Keeping you in thoughts.

[Determined]

Darling went to her proc app this morning. Recons she is doing fine ???

Positive side is as a result she has almost agreed to try a mood chart. (In the past it has been one more thing to do and out of the question as it created more anxiety than it solved) this morning I discussed with her what she needed to tell did and she found it All too hard to explain. Which results in this morning's response of 'your doing fine'

Ummm no she's not. 

[Former-Member]

Have you printed off a chart for darling to have a look at @Determined, a picture says 1000 words and if you had one handy she might give it a go.  I fill out most of Mr Darcy's - he just rates his mood, anxiety and irritability. I note any mitigating features and recently have documented if he has been crying at night so that I have something definitive to go on, I find I am likely to give an incorrect answer based on mood/sleep/etc the few days leading up to the question being posed. Recently I made up our own chart on excel - have med names/doses  pre entered which makes it easier.

[Determined]

I did a while ago (post a hospital admission) and it was rejected outright as too hard.

Good opportunity to try again now though. 

[Determined]

Have had S2 in melt down tonight after S1 giving him a hard time. Screen ban all round tonight which darling actually supported me in. On the positive side we all sat down for a board game and boys and I played some chess and uno. It would be nice if we could make that a regular thing. 

[Former-Member]

Silver linings = 😀