Lived Experience Forum

[kevdeaf_24]

Hello everyone,

Let's discuss the act of self-pitying and its detrimental effects.

When we feel upset or angry about something we lack, such as not getting a promotion at work or failing to achieve our goals, we tend to indulge in self-pity and project those feelings onto others. It is a clever deception in our minds that leads us down a path of negativity and resentment, preventing us from seizing opportunities for personal growth and genuine connection with others. 

I have recently found myself in a situation where I have felt increasingly upset and frustrated. It seems as though no one wants to engage conversation with me, show compassion, or even understand my personal struggles with having disability. Furthermore, as a single individual with no partner, I have begun to perceive a lack of attention toward the challenges faced by singles such as our need for emotional support.

However, after a conversation with someone whom I trusted, I realised I had been taking pleasure in self-pity and projecting it onto others. This insight shifted my perception from being negative to positive, in which I started to recognise that my lack of initiating conversations while relying on others to reach out to me was the problem, as if I were begging for interaction. By identifying this kind of pattern, I have been able to take proactive steps towards developing genuine connections with others and seeking the support that I might need, rather than waiting for it to come to me.

Therefore, we need to learn how to break free from the cycle of self-pity, take responsibility for our emotional well-being, and proactively engage with others by developing meaningful connections and exploring opportunities for personal growth, rather than resorting to complaining or becoming angry or upset with others about our personal struggles. 

[chibam]

Well I agree that anger/self-pity rarely solves anything. But, with respect, there are a few things in there I can't say I agree with.
(I'll address these out of order so I don't bury the lead.)

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@kevdeaf_24 wrote:

Therefore, we need to... proactively engage with others by developing meaningful connections... 

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I might be misreading what your saying here, but if I'm not, then the problem with this is that some people mightn't approve of violating others' personal space like that.

Some might also argue that it's a very poor foundation to build a relationship upon, and that nothing good is likely to come of it, since that initial action has effected the morals of the whole relationship.

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@kevdeaf_24 wrote:

Therefore, we need to learn how to break free from the cycle of self-pity, take responsibility for our emotional well-being...

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This is much easier said then done; and by that I don't merely mean that it's hard work; I mean that I suspect it is essentially impossible.

I think I'm pretty good at blocking out the rest of the world and making myself happy. I suspect I'm much better at it then most people in my age bracket. But for all my effort to this end, I've never been able to completely sever my awareness of the world around me. The ugliness and emptiness of the world still brings me down. I think a lot of other people would agree with me on that.

So to say we are solely responsible for making ourselves happy is a bit of a stretch, because so long as we are able to perceive the real world around us - even subconsciously, it will govern our happiness.

I've been seeing videos recently about how today's kids (I think their called "Generation Alpha"?) are so tied in to their devices that they've practically lost all consciousness of the world around them. They may be a differant kettle of fish. But to older people, like me, I think that awareness of the outside world is a curse we are stuck with.

[Minkie-Rose]

Hi @kevdeaf_24 

Thank you for the thought-provoking post.

As an aspiring counsellor, and having been exposed to a variety of people from different life contexts, I have come to realise that a person's response to stressful/hurtful events is unique, and reflects the complexity and wonder of being human.

For these reasons, I try to look beyond the obvious manifestations of mental ill-health or psychological unrest, to better understanding the fragility of the human condition and why the validation of a person's lived experience, whether repetitious or otherwise, is requisite to emotional healing.

In addition to this need, is the adoption of a strength-based person centred approach to understanding a person's struggles. Under this paradigm, an acknowledgement of one's struggles is accompanied by attention to personal strengths (e.g., resilience, courage, compassion, empathy), thereby providing a pathway to recovery.