Lived Experience Forum

[chibam]

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@TideisTurning wrote:

@chibam, there is always the potential for our values to differ from others, but I don't think that necessarily means you shouldn't express your values. There can be the option to agree to disagree.

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I wouldn't say that it's as blunt or absolute as "you shouldn't express your values", @TideisTurning , but it is a very sensitive area and I think that delicacy and immense care are often called for.

What we need to remember is that values are what makes a community... what makes a home. And if you are an outlier, trying to come in with a differant set of values; values where the established community's "unacceptables" aspire to be "normals", and perhaps vice-versa, you are essentially proposing running a bulldozer through someone else's home. Destroying the value code that sustains it, in order to make way for something that suits you well, but may be devastating for them. So you can understand the immense potential these situations have to greatly upset others.

[oscbeep]

This is a tricky thing- guilt, shame fear can be really powerful emotions when we start to speak up. And this is something that comes up for me still! Even last week having a conversation with a friend about attend the Invasion Day rally brough up these feelings for me. My trauma history impacts me in such a way that I find being in crowds very challenging and when it comes to public facing advocacy there can be a lot of challenges when it comes to accessibility. Because I really struggle with crowds and it makes it really challenging to show up in person at something like a protest. This does bring up a lot of feelings of inadequacy- I am human and this is something I navigate. I share this because I think that there can be a lot of expectations that come with stating a journey of activism. You are not alone if you feel guilt or shame and I want to specifically say that it is ok to choose the way that you speak up. Protests and rallies are very inaccessible spaces for those of us who experience disabilities, are neurodivergent, have mental health challenges, are chronically ill or are immunocompromised. But the thing is I DO care! I want change! I want equality! Accepting that while I might feel limited by my experiences right now- I still have a voice- and speaking out in my way is my form of resistance.

It is an absolute myth that there is one way to be an activist and there are a lot of people out there with opinions. It does not matter how you show up- there will probably be someone louder, wiser, more articulate and more knowledgeable on the cause. But activism is not a race- it’s not about comparison to others- it’s about collectivism and community and the immense power of solidarity. The judgements and options are tactics that try to keep us quiet and maintain the status quo. But really we all have so much more power in our combined voices than we can even imagine!

I have a small collection of activism resources that I will share too- things that I find inspiring and I hope you do too!

[Shaz51]

@amber22 , @oscbeep 

Sometimes through our actions 

Sometimes just giving a short answer and that's it

[oscbeep]

I think that it can give some further nuance to nervous system regulation- and it has helped me understand my own trauma responses in a deeper way! 

@Loiter 

[Loiter]

Well hyperarousal is like fight/flight, and hypoarousal is like freeze/fawn. In this model of looking at it, they are both equal levels of distress, just in opposite directions. It looks like in the polyvagal theory chart that was linked, sympathetic is fight/flight and dorsal vagal is freeze/fawn, where sympathetic is "medium" arousal and dorsal vagal is "high" arousal, so freeze/fawn is an even more distressed response than fight/flight in this model.

[Glisten]

@oscbeep absolutely. 
Everyone has the right to say “No, that is not what’s best for me.”

Just say it like you’re ordering food.

[Quilly]

I love this idea that I can be an activist 'my way'

When I am face to face I can be triggered into people pleasing

Writing is difficult but knowing that I can be a collective voice helps

[Loiter]

@Quilly writing can be a more accessible way of speaking up sometimes than physically interacting with someone. When I write, I have time to think about my response and I can give myself time and space to self-regulate, which is a lot harder to do in a "live", face-to-face setting unless the other person is basically a therapist

[TideisTurning]

Absolutely @Quilly @Loiter 

[amber22]

Onto our final question for the night... 

How might you be able to care for yourself while advocating for yourself or for your cause? @oscbeep