Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

hi there @lavenderhaze @Friendlyflutter @Oaktree 

i am really not well supported in with a therapist or much ongoing and am not well enough to engage with some f the programs i have in the public mental health, so i'm managing it alone

i still don't want to live - 

i want it over

but i am here, and i am trying

i fought out for my life and i survived and i am graateful for that

[EternalFlower]

@lavenderhaze @Friendlyflutter thanks 

[tyme]

Hi there @EternalFlower ,

I'm sorry things are so hard right now and that you don't really feel supported by your treating team.

I can hear that as hard as it is, you are trying your best.

You are not alone. I'm sure there are many others who can relate to what you are experiencing at the moment.

You don't have to do it alone.

Please take care. I hope to hear from you.

tyme

[EternalFlower]

thank you @tyme @Oaktree @PeppyPatti @Friendlyflutter @lavenderhaze 

i am not doing great

i started a new mental health group today and there was a patient in it of my previous dr (who abandoned me)

this is very triggering, personal and upsetting for me

i feel like i can't escape from it

[tyme]

Hey @EternalFlower ,

I'm hearing how hard things are for you at the moment. I can hear how triggering having a patient of your previous doctor can be.

I can relate to this somewhat. I remember my clinician had a chat to me once and asked me directly, "Are you feeling jealous because I'm working with XYZ as well?" It really made me consider whether jealousy came into it. Maybe a little? Maybe the thought came to me Why is he working with her too? Is he going to work less with me?

(Btw, I'm in no way saying you are feeling jealousy @EternalFlower . I just found him asking me directly something no one has every really asked before without me going off the rails).

Is this a one off group session with the other person?

[EternalFlower]

really true @tyme 

I am jealous...in a way

i am jealous when i see his patients. I befriended one just to impose that jealousy on me - but this one - just popped up

I do not know if he still treats her

It's an ongoing group i'm in with this person. I remember them pretty vividly from our previous experiences in our (shared) dr's clinic

And now we are in this group together

But something in my mind is clearing

and i'm seeing that his care for me still belonged to me - and maybe still is. 

I have had a hard time letting go of the relationship, because other people kind of told me to, which I did

but he still cares about me, I know this. I was too attacking.

[tyme]

Hey @EternalFlower ,

I'm hearing you! I sort of jumped whenever I read your responses because I can totally relate. 

I'll share what happened for me (I may have shared this with you in the past).

I was in group therapy with someone who shared my clinician. I 'hated' this person. She was such a "borderline"... When I saw her in group, I felt angry inside. I said a lot of things I'm ashamed to repeat. On the occasion she was not in group, I felt so good. I had no care for this person at all. It was PAINFUL being in the same group as her...

Lo and behold, we are made to be in the same group for over a year. I DID not like this person at all. The more I saw her the more I disliked her.

It wasn't until much later that I realised having this person I didn't like in the same ongoing group as me was actually good for me. It taught me to put up with people in life I didn't like. I told my clinician that group therapy was like a training ground for the real world. There are bound to be people I wouldn't get along with.

To this day, I have to say having that person with me in group was actually painful but good for my growth. I allowed me to mentalise and consider what was going through their mind. 

You know what? This person you are probably jealous of may actually do you more good that you expect. I'm not saying it will be easy and you don't have to like this person, but use them to heal. 

I hope I'm making sense. I'm looking forward in regards to your therapy. I hear how painful having this person is for now, but it may be the very thing that is going to allow you to recover. There will be plenty of people just like this person in real life.

Sorry for the long winded response

[EternalFlower]

@tyme the emotions are real!

i'm very jealous of people who have my Dr because he dumped me - but he dumped me after loving me well as a patient and being my world for 3 years

so i'm imagining he cares for them and not me

and why?

it is like taunting - idk

its also too small a world - meeting his patient there made me feel like he's involved in my life - it was quite hard for me.

[PeppyPatti]

Hi @EternalFlower 

I. So enjoying reading your responses to @tyme 

You are both seem to be pretty creative.hey @tyme keep on with long responded responses. I'm enjoying them....

[EternalFlower]

@PeppyPatti ur response made me feel so supported and seen....thank u

@tyme thank for sharing and hoping for my success in the group

I hope to tell the group facikitators I know the girl but I think it could be useful...

I am obsessed with my previous Dr in many ways....my therapist told me stalkers can't accept that someone doesn't feel the same way

.

Luckily I don't have this issue as I accept it. I just feel at a loss starting over

He was my best one yet

Group therapy was not too bad as the people were nice and all similar age to me. I hope we can get past the uncertainty and it can become a helpful process

It made me a bit sad to see his other patient in my group...I was jealous