@Determined I am reading a lot currently. My problem is specifically to understand, how you cope with it. What to expect as currently I really can not determine between a BPD related behaviour and just someone who is trying to emotionally manipulate me. 

I try everything in my past year to make her feel safe and comfort her but everyting comes back as a negative thought. I dont do enough, I dont show her the love she craves her way - I mean I am literally lying with. 39.5 fever in bed and she request sex - I tell her I cant because I am sick and she rolls over and feels sad, thinks I am not loving her. Look, I am lost to be honest and try to understand what are the best rules to have a fullfilled love life and relationship when your partner suffers from BPD, intensly and refused any further councelling with her psychiatrist - apparently because she told her she shoud not have any relationships.