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Wow @eudemonism you are thorough.
The reality is that fruit trees often produce more than one person can eat. So I would not take statements like that seriously. Just someone having a bad day. Great idea to take them to a barter place or just give them away.
We had 2 figs when my girls were little and they loved climbing them. We pruned them hard but they always bounced back.
Have fun.
I am in the garden a bit at the moment, trimming and watering to develop deep roots for summer.
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