Topic Tuesday // Tues, 26 April, 7pm AEST // Grief

[Shaz51]

Don't exclude folks but what if folks exclude us , keep away , not interested @Former-Member

[awe]

Thanks Heartworks. Giving a choice is so important.

[And-016]

Looking at the do's and don't's - it's very easy to understand the desire to fix someone, to remove their pain. But it would just be a band-aid. Grief is something that needs to be gone through. Sometime we need to trust (and remind ourselves again and again, if need be) that our continued presence in that's grieving person life is reassuring for that person. You're in there for the long haul and you don't shut them down either.

[Former-Member]

@Heartworks great advice. I think people can be especially uncomfortable when supporting someone after the loss of a baby. A woman I know who sadly experienced the death of her first baby at just a few days old had people tell her "the baby was sick so probably better off really" and those sorts of things. So unhelpful! 

[Former-Member]

Okay everyone, just jumping in as the time keeper. We have about 5 or 10 minutes left. Feel free to jump in with last questions, comments or reflections before we wrap up tonight.

[awe]

Yes Shaz51. We felt there was a sizeable "Don't bother them, they've got enough to worry about" which might have been that they couldn't cope with more sadness to cope with. Some times we'd be with people and they'd totally ignore the subject completely. We had to mention Max if he was to be in the conversation at all.

[Heartworks]

Mine were teeny tiny in utero. I think, "you already have kids" is akin to saying, oh you lost an arm? Don't worry, at least you have another! Oh dear.

I think rejection and exclusion on both sides of the fence can be quite painful. Non attendance can just be as devastating as not being invited too. It can be so tricky sometimes. I wonder if it's the fear of shame or not wanting to go there....or just wanting to 'be' and process...or all of the above? 

[Former-Member]

Last question to @awe and @And-016 How have you personally managed grief? What are some helpful strategies you could pass on to others?

[Heartworks]

Thank you everyone for sharing so openly tonight! @Fatima I hope we were able to help in some small way. 🙂 

[Shaz51]

@Heartworks, i agree