Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Former-Member]

Have you got family photos as yet @Determined ?

[Determined]

Not yet @Former-Member , still waiting on the proofs to choose prints.

That process usually takes a couple of weeks but the end result has been worth it previously so happy to wait.  

[Determined]

I was reviewing some photos on the TV that I took with our boys last night and came across photos from ~2 years ago of darling. It was a bit of a shock for me as I have fogotten how unwell she looked. She was so thin and pale. It made me a little anxious when she said she wanted to look like that again 😞 ... (she has gained significant weight since changing meds). 

As a positive seeing her in that photo reminded me of how far we have come over the last 12 months. 

[Shaz51]

i know what you mean @Determined 

mr shaz saw his photo 4 years ago and he was soo skiny and drwn in the face , but since on the new meds he has put on weight which he wants to lose ( his idea is to stop the meds which is making him gain weight

[Former-Member]

I had the opposite @Determined, Mr Darcy looking a lot chubbier snoozing on the couch (he was sleeping a lot then).

[Smc]

I keep getting caught out by old pics of our girl too. She's chubbier now, partially due to medication, but there's also something hard to define in her face that's changed, and not for the better.

[Determined]

At that time Darling went from significantly overweight from inactivity and over eating to significantly underweight. She looked really unhealthy in that photo. She was refusing to eat at the time and living off high energy bars and protein shakes while cycling 200+ km / week. In fact I would go so far as to say in the photo there were similarities to her mums appearance when she was failing in her fight against cancer. Seeing the pic rattled me. Understand what you mean @Smc  about that hard to define appearance. 

Now while she looks much more healthy she is anxious about her weight but lacks the motivation to exercise and change diet. While she is mostly stable and there has not been any self harm or attempts in a little over 12 months current meds combined with inpatient treatment 2 years ago have robbed us of any emotional connection, but at least we still have her with us. 

[Smc]

@Determined, I really genuinely hope that eventually her treatment succeeds to the point where you can rebuild those connections. I remember my Dad once, when I was in upper primary school or so, checking up on me, and letting on at the same time that he found Mum's unreasonable volatility and inconsistency hard to take. There were a few points when he nearly walked out. It's a hard haul, well done you for not giving up, even though at times you've felt like it.

My Mum and Dad had very little help available. No medications apart from something to help Mum sleep, little in the way of counselling, and I'm not sure either of them talked about it with friends. So you've got a few hopeful positives in your court.
(Clumsy-ish post. It's hard stuff to put into words.)

[Former-Member]

@Determined  it is my prayer for you too Bro

[Determined]

Thanks @Former-Member  @Smc 

And likewise for you both. I know I am not alone in all of this.  Just a flood of memories at the moment that I thought I had put aside but are never far from the surface. 

The biggest positive out of it all is that it is clear we have come so far.