Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

[Determined]

Just wanted to check in and say I am ok this morning despite not getting any sleep.

Just taking things moment by moment at the moment because that is all I can manage at the moment but I am ok.

Have a gp appointment booked today that was pre booked for another purpose but is timely.

And I was able to get a councilling appointment for Thursday so looking after myself the best I can.

So sorry for the concern I caused last night. It was not intended and feeling embarrassed about that 😕

Hope everyone has a nice day.

[Former-Member]

Hey @Determined the going can be really tough.  

Sending ever so gentle thoughts your way.

[Determined]

While I am a little more composed for as long as that lasts I thought I may explain our current situation.

Mum inlaw was taken to hospital by ambulance Sunday night. I found out Monday morning. Some sort of infection and complications related to chemo... I already was quite concerned after visiting Sunday afternoon. Floods of memories of my Dad in the weeks leading up to moving into his dream home. Something he never got to do.  I was thinking on Sunday afternoon I hope this is not history repeating itself so when I got the call Monday I kind of fell apar. Had to leave work early before anyone arrived. Thankfully they were ok with that.

Then Monday afternoon we received news of more delays in access to our new home and settlement on sale of our current home. Lots of little things in between. 

I felt so bad Monday morning I was so busy holding myself together that I did not notice my darling falling apart beside me. Visiting friends noticed and were able to provide her some support. Add in an unhealthy dose of zero sleep and here we are. Was hoping the gp could help with some sleep aid this afternoon but was reluctant. Have some strategy however so combined that with fatigue and see how we go. 

My darling is far from coping at the moment but I am so proud of her that she is doing as well as she is.   Despite all this I will be ok. Our family will be ok.   Just taking things moment by moment. 

Not looking for sympathy just wanted to explain why I am so scattered at the moment and it helps to talk about it. 

[Smc]

@Determined, I missed your post last night- it was a blank square by the time I got on, but I was inferring from assorted comments that things were hard. 😞

Hope the MIL recovers quickly. Yeah, chemo leaves the immune system in a pretty lacklustre state. Have been praying, and will keep doing so, now in a somewhat more informed manner.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Determined

Trust you get some sleep tonight (you too @Smc). 

[Determined]

Thanks @Smc @Former-Member

@Smc what I originally posted did not make much sense anyway only highlighted I was not in  a particularly great state of mind. You did not miss much. Your prayers and yours @Former-Member are much appreciated.

I'm am nodding off now after an hour on the phone to my mum so hopefully I can turn the lights out and fall asleep. 

Still  a couple of big days ahead before this is all resolved. Hoping our settlement can be resolved by the end of the week as my darling is approaching the need for a 'holiday' for her sake as well as mine. 

[Smc]

@Determined, I've found one of the occasional plusses of a broken night is that sometimes I can spend that time praying- which has the extra benefit of getting me out of the messier corners of my own mind, and focusing on others.

Doesn't always work out that way... but is good when it does.

[Determined]

We finally got the keys to our new home today.

We can leave stuff there but can't officially move in until Friday.   Next couple of days are going to be full-on but at least we can now see some progress. 

 Had a work college drop by today with a hot lunch for us all. Just wanted to do something nice for us. Very touching and uplifting knowing people notice and care. It was most unexpected. 

Mum in law is still in hospital but hopeful she will be home by Friday. Will have to wait for clearance from the dr Friday morning. 

I am certinally in a much better place than earlier in the week but just washed out fatigued and generally just tired now. Still cant cope with a lot but at the moment am able to focus on just one thing at a time so able to manage at that level at least. 

[Determined]

[Former-Member]

Hi @Determined

Trust things go ok with the move - thinking of you esp tomorrow with your medical appt.